How do I begin?
What do I say?
If I was an artist, what would my background be?
How about a landscape with trees and peppermint clouds that you can taste before you see?
If I were a true musician, what would I play?
I’d glue my fingers to the keys and make the audience sit and watch me stationary on a rotating stage.
If I was a murderer, I’d perform a double homicide on Ms.Phony and Hypocrisy.
If I was a mother, I’d birth individuality.
I’d breastfeed it attitude and responsibility, from each titty.
How do I begin?
Do I talk about the kin that built me up or screwed me up?
How do you love a lyricist whose greatest worth is her words?
How do I begin to give oxygen to a sheet of paper?
How can a woman neutralize the judgement of man before she allows it to shape her?
How do I begin to describe the warfare within a wordsmith?
By: Shaun “ControversE” Nickens
Happy new year and all that. Hope you’re not the same person you’ve been for all the years that preceded this one. I hate to be cynical but usually by the time you stop doing this –>
2012 , you’ve already broken those resolutions. Why’d you make them? What do you have to prove and who are you proving it to? At the end of the day we need to be making a consistent effort to improve. Your other option is to commit to being the same scumbag you’ve always been, wear your flaws on your fitted hat, be strong and wrong and tell everyone to “Shut Ya Mouth and Call Me Ugly.”
It’s not easy to improve. You may see old habits creep in. The stealth of habitual hatred or just the act of being stagnant is clinging and clandestine. You won’t notice what you do to piss other people off! I can almost guarantee that! It’s natural to you…its organic. You won’t know you’ve upset them until they’re screaming or silently sobbing. For a writer that’s an intense response. One of my favorite writers in Edgar Allen Poe. In “The Philosophy of Composition” he says, “Beauty of whatever kind, in its supreme development, invariably excites the sensitive soul to tears. Melancholy is thus the most legitimate of all the poetical tones.” In plain terms, Poe is saying you’ve succeeded as a good writer when you can make someone feel something, more specifically sadness. That’s great if you’re a writer but as a regular civilian, I don’t think a lot of people will want to be around you. You’d be the dark cloud.
I am truly making an effort to change. I’ve got my Pandora set to Marvin Sapp. I’m back to my church services and my devotions. When my schedule clears, I’m diving head first back into my ministries. I don’t use profanity as much. I reached out to old and gold friends who’ve always added quality to my life. I drink more water and all that. At the same time, I’ve never been a “holy roller” or a “pew tosser.” I love art and literature. I am a very passionate person. I’m a people watcher. I’m an undercover comic. Being an artist requires a certain level of “worldliness.” So where do I stand? You’ll always have to maintain a balance. You’re a parent? You have to be the person you are that was chosen divinely to bring new life into this world. Still you may welcome the time alone when the baby is with grandma and you can listen to Kendrick Lamar, watch Pulp Fiction and have a “77” (vodka and 7-up.) It doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human.
Leave the resolutions for Lucille Roberts commercials. Just be your best by bedtime each day. If you fail, try again tomorrow. As long as you’re trying, you’re not failing. Medicine usually doesn’t taste good but it usually heals whatever your ailment is. Are you only swallowing what satisfies a stationary lifestyle? Are you swallowing seduction and sex and ignoring love and intimacy? Are you swallowing stereotypes? What are you swallowing?
Happy New Year. Bless!
-Shaun M Nickens