In the Meantime Money -Contemporary Courtship

I was raised in a household with my mother and father.  My parents were married for 20 years before they called it quits. They conceived 3 children.. all girls. One of the things my father instilled in me the idea of courtship.

Now don’t get me wrong. My father is far from traditional.  However, he believed you can court a woman regardless of your economic status. In fact he always said, “Your heart doesn’t know status and circumstances. ” On his first date with my mother, they had pizza and brew. That may not seem exciting but he must have done something right! Obviously my mother doesn’t have much to say about it now.  She once disclosed how much she laughed during that date and how comfortable she felt.

I have a former associate who makes a six figure salary.  At the time he was in his early twenties.  He drove a Mercedes.  He lived with parents so no money spent on rent. No student loans. No major debt. During a conversation about contemporary courtship he said he takes his first dates to McDonald’s.  You can view that as frugal but his defense was based on his desire to test the genuineness of his prospective partner.  There would be no second date if you had a problem with McDonald’s and you couldn’t just be happy with his company.

In this economic climate most men do not have what I like to call “In the Meantime Money.” Gas is 4.05 a gallon! He can’t afford to spend hundreds of dollars on a woman he may have absolutely nothing in common with! Ladies shouldn’t either. Wear modest clothing, do your own hair, drive your own car and meet him at the agreed venue. Trust your personality to be the impressive part of the date. Meet at a library so you can subtly see if he can read! If you like to work out, get him a guest pass at your gym. He/she is probably allergic to the cologne or perfume you were going to wear anyway. This is the time to be yourself!  If things progress, you’ll have to take off the bells and whistles at some point anyway.

Finally,  let’s be honest.  Some of you only want to be wined and dined because it will make you feel better about entering the bedroom.  Dropping your draws for dinners or dollas does not prove you’re a lady! Restraint does. You’re not fooling anyone…especially him. You can be labeled for any reason.  You might as well try listening to your heart and following your intuition with discretion and maturity. 

Save your “In the Meantime Money” and tell the cashier ShutYaMouthAndCallMeUgly said to supersize it! 🙂



Chest Naked In The Park (Part 1)

She woke up in a sweat.  Reached around feeling for the phone. She found it in the crevice of the couch still attached to the charger.  No missed calls. Four text messages:

“Hey Beautiful.” (from some guy she met on an internet dating site 3 months prior.  She stopped returning his text messages 2 months and 3 weeks ago but it never inhibited his persistence.)

“The balance in your Chase checking account is 32.48.” (An automated update she gets every time her account is used.)

“Do you want me to bring you a plate of food for tomorrow?” (A caring co-worker who always looks out for her.)

“Guess you forgot about me.” (An old flame that died out before it was lit.)

Nothing from him.  Unable to hide her disappointment, she threw the phone across the room.

“WTF? Either I am too quick to assume the worst…or the worst has happened.”

She pondered while the oscillating fan blew hot air over her. She watched it move right to left. Left to right.  “What could have changed in a couple of hours?”

NOTHING.  But since when did anything have to go wrong for a man to decide that you are no longer his number one pick?  The truth of the matter was Tamara was a pretty girl, smart, and ambitious but she changed her men as often as her oil changes.  Some men were changed by choice and some by circumstance.  There was the minister AKA the “Freak and the Gentleman” who was obviously confused about his chosen path in life.  One minute he was discussing politics, being chivalrous, and preaching against pre-marital sex.  The next minute he was playing in her hair with one hand, holding the bible in the other, while trying to get her titty into his mouth. (What a multi-tasker!) Tamara dated everyone from the investment bankers, to the personal trainers, the broke college student, and even the “but baby my back is against the wall” unemployed ex-convicts.  A firm believer that your prince is sometimes disguised as a frog, she never judged.  Her father told her as a child, “Your heart doesn’t know status or circumstance.”  Daddy was wrong.

Travis was supposed to be different.  He was brilliant, handsome, confident, and attentive.  All the qualities that she loved to love.  He had his flaws and she was prepared to accept and love those too.  Realistically, Tamara was panicking prematurely.  It had only been a few hours since she heard from him, but for them, that was a long time!  She shook herself out of it.  Why was she always so anxious?  She was in a constant state of waiting for the ball to drop.  She was always waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under her.

She decided to go to her favorite park and run around the track since she was already sweating.  No use in sitting there babysitting her phone … or destroying it.

When she got to the track, she looked at her cell once more. NOTHING. She decided to leave a voicemail.  One of her close male friends always told her never to assume anything.  What if he was in an accident or he lost his phone?  She left a KISS message (KISS = Keep It Simple Stupid) just plainly stating the obvious: “Hey. Just giving you a call.”

Then it happened.  She leaned back in the seat and she wept.  She didn’t cry because of him.  She cried because of the disappointment that she was so accustomed to.  She was so angry.  What was she doing wrong? Maybe she should act like a complete b*tch, men seemed to like that. Finally she came to the conclusion that she was overreacting and she needed to get outside and distract herself.  As soon as she tied her car key to her shoelace, put her cell phone in the glove compartment, stuck her ipod in her bra, and opened the driver side door…..BOOM!

The sky broke and it began to pour.  Tamara shook her head and laughed.  “With a day like this, its gonna be a hell of a night”, she quoted Young Jeezy.  She looked on as people started exiting the track, trying to avoid getting soaked in the rain.

All except one man.

He kept running.  He was one of those men who just looked effortless while working out.  Easy pace.  Steady rhythm. Chest Naked, his skin glistened while he ran in sync with the rain drops.  His skin was an exclusive shade of brown.  It was as if God made it just for him.  It was a beautiful sight to see.  A high school anatomy class could have studied him, every muscle in the human body, could be seen.  “Yummy. Who is this chest naked man running in the park?”

{To Be Continued}

By: Shaun M Nickens