In the Meantime Money -Contemporary Courtship

I was raised in a household with my mother and father.  My parents were married for 20 years before they called it quits. They conceived 3 children.. all girls. One of the things my father instilled in me the idea of courtship.

Now don’t get me wrong. My father is far from traditional.  However, he believed you can court a woman regardless of your economic status. In fact he always said, “Your heart doesn’t know status and circumstances. ” On his first date with my mother, they had pizza and brew. That may not seem exciting but he must have done something right! Obviously my mother doesn’t have much to say about it now.  She once disclosed how much she laughed during that date and how comfortable she felt.

I have a former associate who makes a six figure salary.  At the time he was in his early twenties.  He drove a Mercedes.  He lived with parents so no money spent on rent. No student loans. No major debt. During a conversation about contemporary courtship he said he takes his first dates to McDonald’s.  You can view that as frugal but his defense was based on his desire to test the genuineness of his prospective partner.  There would be no second date if you had a problem with McDonald’s and you couldn’t just be happy with his company.

In this economic climate most men do not have what I like to call “In the Meantime Money.” Gas is 4.05 a gallon! He can’t afford to spend hundreds of dollars on a woman he may have absolutely nothing in common with! Ladies shouldn’t either. Wear modest clothing, do your own hair, drive your own car and meet him at the agreed venue. Trust your personality to be the impressive part of the date. Meet at a library so you can subtly see if he can read! If you like to work out, get him a guest pass at your gym. He/she is probably allergic to the cologne or perfume you were going to wear anyway. This is the time to be yourself!  If things progress, you’ll have to take off the bells and whistles at some point anyway.

Finally,  let’s be honest.  Some of you only want to be wined and dined because it will make you feel better about entering the bedroom.  Dropping your draws for dinners or dollas does not prove you’re a lady! Restraint does. You’re not fooling anyone…especially him. You can be labeled for any reason.  You might as well try listening to your heart and following your intuition with discretion and maturity. 

Save your “In the Meantime Money” and tell the cashier ShutYaMouthAndCallMeUgly said to supersize it! 🙂



Dreams- Realize Who You Are, When You Are

My aunt says she has a friend who proudly wears a t-shirt that reads ” If your dreams don’t scare you, you’re not dreaming big enough.” I love that. It made me realize my own ambitions may be dwarfed. 

In fourth grade I wanted to be a singer.  I would draw pictures of myself with sequin gowns on and a mic in my hand. By sixth grade, I wanted to be an attorney.  Ironically,  by high school I had already performed at Carnegie Hall and Westbury Music Fair. I sang for McDonald’s Gospel Fest and Pathmark Gospel Fest at Penn Station.  I represented my school at a debate at Fordham Law School. It seemed as though my dreams were being realized.  The problem was they weren’t my dreams anymore. 

I developed a passion for writing.  At first I didn’t know if I was any good but my teachers and my family were taking notice. So I submitted a few articles to New York Newsday and they published four! I remember getting the checks in the mail. You would think that would help me focus. Focus. Focus.

Focus. If I could write that word 15 more times and not lose the attention of the 60 followers I have (lol), I would. I think of where I would be if I realized who I was when I was. I’m starting to see that as convoluted as it may seem, YOUR AMBITIONS HAVE TO MATCH YOUR ABILITY AND CURRENT REALITY. The peers I have who explored their musical talents when we were young are making a living doing music. Some are producers or music instructors but they’ve succeeded.  The girls on my debate team are lawyers now (well one is a paralegal but you get it.) It’s all about timing.

So what are my dreams now? I literally dream about my family. I dream about being someone they know they can trust and rely on. I want to age gracefully.  I want to meet my great great grandchildren one day. I want them to see all the things I’ve accomplished through life because I couldn’t “focus” so I did it all! I’m going to prove to them that you can be a jack of all trades and a master of all! As corny as it sounds I dream of love. The kind I read about as an adolescent.  With the right partner, you can be motivated to accomplish ANYTHING.  Everyone guides their decisions with love or lack of it, whether they admit it or not. So I’m going to focus on everything because my REALITY is I’ve never failed at anything I’ve attempted to do. I just didn’t do it for long! The constant in my life has been my dedication to good and my commitment to the human spirit. That’s who I am. Hate it… love it or shutyamouthandcallmeugly.